Doing, Feeling, Being

Phew. I feel like I had just a brief moment to catch my breath this evening. I've been working so much and doing so many things that it's felt almost manic. But I realized I got to the end of my week and I hadn't really planned anything fun or relaxing for Friday evening. Which actually turned out to be ok, maybe even the best thing. I ended up having drinks with my roommate and a friend, and then my roommate and I came back and watched a movie. Friday the 13th, of all things... which doesn't quite fit with the whole theme of catching my breath, although in a way it does bring my back to my childhood, making me kind of nostalgic and pensive (who knew Freddy Krueger could do all that?). As does the fact that my sister apparently just joined Facebook and is in a Facebook group called something like, "Unlike 99.9% of the Facebook population, I was born in the '70s." Also, her Facebook page makes reference to Moby Dick and to reading in general, and how she'd not really had time for much serious reading since she'd been so busy lately. Which has been true for me, too. Not that I've ever really been a reader like her (she reads a *ton* usually). But I think even more than reading specifically, it's just that I generally don't seem to make time for stepping back from the world and soaking up what's beautiful or interesting or amazing about it. In a way, I think that's always kind of been my personality. I'm kind of a manic "doer." I've always wanted to be an advocate, a lobbyist, an activist, etc. I've wanted to make some kind of impact on the world. But in this moment, stepping back, I'm realizing that by taking that approach (which I do think has its merits), I often don't really leave room for just observing the world and the wonderful things in it. I have a very close friend who does a lot of photography, and is also probably the most observant person I know. (Ok, probably anyone reading this knows who I am talking about, but that is ok.) And I have to admit that sometimes I wonder about that approach to the world -- I feel like it's very passive, like you aren't engaging with what's around you. But there's something to be said for the "zen" mentality, as well (apologies to anyone who actually knows anything about zen and feels I used that word inappropriately). I mean, a little less so if it means you let the world beat you down and you stand by as a passive observer. But maybe in a way that is all part of it. Or even if not, maybe there is just a whole different way to engage, to really connect on a deeper level, in a way that makes you really feel and connect with what's around you with heightened senses. I think reading and photography are two really good examples of that, because both involve more of a "soaking up" than even a creative process per se. (Photography can be creative, of course, but part of it seems to be about sharing that sense of, "This was revealed to me today, and it was beautiful/striking/sad/etc.") And the truth is that I will probably always be more of a "doer," and there's really nothing wrong with that. (See, e.g., my earlier post about the woman from the Employment Law Center whom I thought was so amazing because she and others had filed 72 individual cases on one issue when their initial effort to file a class action was challenged.) But still, to the extent that I can make some room for it, I think life would be a little fuller if every so often I took a little time out just to observe and connect. After all, that should remind me what it is I'm doing the doing for.